If I Were A Celebrity......

Reasons why I luv, love, l-o-v-e Mrs. Ben Affleck:

1.) Jennifer Garner wears bangs with a ponytail like nobody's business
2.) She doesn't need the assistance of UFO size sunglasses to fight off the paparazzi
3.) Girlfriend isn't afraid to roll up her designer jeans and play

Call me every 5 minutes JenG,
Roundtooth

Instyle my Arse

Ok ladies and germs!
You may want to get out the cheese and crackers to go along with the wHine I am about to spill.
Time for my opinion to rise and shine for a brief but strong moment.
So I eagerly run to the mailbox this evening awaiting the final issue of my Instyle subscription like Ralphie did for his Ovaltine decoder.
And just like Ralphie did when he decoded the message, I too cursed up a storm when revealing the magazine cover.
You see, the cover was being masked by the piece of thick construction paper reminding me for the 400th time that my subscription is about to run out.
This "masking" makes the unveiling of the featured celebrity on the cover all the more intense and surprising.
Well all hopes and imaginations of one of my fav (favorite) celebs were put to a shattering reality television halt when what to my disappointing eyes do I see??? An American Idol contestant!!!
Now mind you, Roundtooth doesn't ride the American Idol bandwagon. You'll never find me phoning in my vote or crying at the work water-cooler over "who got voted off last night". Never. Ever. Never ever.
Therefore, why on Gods green earth(HAPPY EARTH DAY BTW) would I pay to see some chick from the show on MY favorite magazine?!?!?!
Did this girl even win her edition of the show? Honestly, I really don't know. If you have the answer please feel free to enlighten me.
Her name is Carrie Underwood. Is she the one whose dad broke out of jail or something? Again, enlighten me.
No offense to this gal, I'm sure she's lovely and all but I think her style appeal is far off from the majority target market of Instyle readers.
Just my 2 cents worth.

Happy Earth Day,
Roundtooth

Don't Hate Me Because I'm Beautiful

Posh is just so Posh.

We all get that.

Whether we'd like to admit it or not we take notice every time we see the chick in a magazine or on the television. Whether it's because your interested in her or breath-taken by the sight on her stick of an arm, being husband David Beckham is another story.

Anywho, I got to wondering after seeing the recent picture shown above of her and one of her offspring.....

What are her children going to think someday when they're grown men about the way mommy always posed with them in photos.

I realize that Mrs. Beckham isn't always aware that all eyes are on her but she has been known to say that she purposely does NOT smile for the cameras.

How sad for memories sake!

These boys will look back someday and instead of thinking: wow, mom really enjoyed being with us....

They will ask: 

Was she a total bitch? 

Was she PMS'ing in that photo?

Was she posing for a "Don't hate me because I'm beautiful hair campaign?

Now don't get your panties in a crunch if your a diehard Posh fan.

I'm sure she's a great mom and loves those boys more than life it's self. 

And BTW, I fell in love with her after seeing her do her reality show last year.

But damn girl! Crack a smile for child's sake!

Poetry or bitches & ho's?

I got to thinking this morning as my freight train of an ass scooted along on the beast of an elliptical machine, where have all the love songs gone?

I had my ipod blasting the Vitamin String Quartet's version of "Karma Police" (by Radiohead), which by the way, I highly recommend. 

And then came good old G N' R. Unless your from another planet you already know that this stands for Guns N' Roses. Quiet possibly the most outrageously amazing band ever (just my opinion). So "Sweet Child O' Mine" played away like a National Anthem as I reached the 20 minute mark of my workout and I realize that these are some seriously passionate lyrics that are no longer around in current music.

For instance (and probably my favorite out of the entire song):

"Her hair reminds me 

of a warm safe place 

where as a child I'd hide

And pray for the thunder

And the rain

To quietly pass me by"

Hellooooo? When is the last time you heard anything on the radio that consisted of such massively heart wrenching poetry?

All I ever hear are songs about apple bottoms.

And bitches & ho's.

And then there are the ones about ba-donk-a-donks?!?! Is that even a word?

Where have all the ROCKSTARS gone?

In loving memory of Axl & his forgotten kind,

Roundtooth

Baby Bottles & Beers

I guess some of you are starting to wonder where my "strong opinions" that are mentioned in the title of my blog have been hiding.

They having been minding their own business keeping quiet in hopes of following the ideas of the Buddha guide I've been reading.

But I'm no Saint.

So, drum roll please....drrrrrrummmmm.........

Let's give a warm welcome to my opinion (and nothing more than that) on Jamie Lynn Spears.

It appears that Ms. Spears has entered the land of engagement.

Yes, to the boy (not man) that apparently knocked her up.

Now heres my beef.

I'm over the fact that another teenager is about to have another unplanned child.

I'm over the fact that this CHILD is/was a role model for millions of America's adolescent population.

Over it! 

What I can't understand is why everyone is congratulating this girl for:

1.) getting engaged

AND

2.) getting her GED

WTF???

There is no freaking reason why we should be pulling out the party decorations to honor Jamie's move to get a GED.

How about the chick finish high school like most other 16 years olds?

As for the engagement, all these people are posting on different sites about how glorious this news is and how this will be the answer.

Give me a break Tootie!

What many of those morons don't seem to realize is that Spears has a gigantic posse (managers, agents, assistants, accountants, idiotic mothers) choosing and influencing her every move in hopes that it will continue to benefit them in the long run by keeping up her star appeal with young America.

Do we honestly believe that this child is going to marry and spend the next 50 years with some dude from Arkansas???

Umm...my crazy 8 ball is saying: NO WAY JOSE!

Just my 2 cents boys & girls.

Contact me in 50 years and we'll re-evaluate.

Oh! BTW, the picture I've posted of Jamie & babymaker was taken when she was almost 5 months preggers.

I always find such great joy in seeing a pregnant 16 year old boasting a BEER t-shirt.

Peace, health, and birth control,

Roundtooth