Excuse me but would you mind picking my ass up? I dropped it over there behind the elliptical machine...

Yes, I am referring to my very own plump (J. Lo would be jealous and no I'm not bragging) fat ass.

No, I'm not interested in being 98 pounds, haven't been since I was 10 but I am looking to shed some  major behind off my thick frame.

Seriously people, I have enough between my hips and bottom to give implants to an asian family of 14! (God love em' but they are ass-less people).

So my very first adventure in the gym began yesterday with my new and extremely nice and knowledgeable trainer.

We'll call him Trainer (makes sense).

He tells me that I'm going to "warm up" by doing 10 to 15 minutes on this beast of a machine.

I them tell him that we'll see how I'm doing after 2 minutes and take it from there.

After twenty minutes and a conversation with a fellow ass-dropper on the machine beside me, Trainer comes over to see how I'm doing.

He's impressed (or at least wants me to think he is) at my effort in succeeding past the 2 minute mark.

He then asks me how I'm feeling. 

Now for those of you who don't know, I am an honest (and often sarcastic) Ab so I tell him the truth, 

"I'm feeling like my ass has fallen off and is back behind this machine."

Trainer finds this very amusing.

Well, I'm serious! Unfortunately though, my ass did not fall off.

It's still there. All 100 pounds of it.

Yes, I believe my behind comprises 100 pounds of my total weight.

Tomorrow I will return to Trainer and see what he has in store for my caboose. 

Roundtooth